Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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