Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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