i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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