Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
