i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
