using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
