I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
