Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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