He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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