I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
