Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
