That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
