The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
