WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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