i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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