we'll go far in life on tits alone.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
