Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
