if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
There's always time for handjobs
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
