Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
