respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
