theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
