i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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