We're facebook friends in real life
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
