He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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