Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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