i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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