I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
