Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Vodka?
Forever.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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