you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
