listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
