Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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