My pussy is not your playground.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
