shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
