You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
