is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
