Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
