my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
