I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
