I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
