sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
