You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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