The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
