Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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