I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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