gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
