i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
