its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Randomize
