I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
