Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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