That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
