ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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